Roses and thorns

A few weeks back, on an office slack channel, someone posted started a post called rose 🌹 and thorns 🌵 - one good thing and a bad thing that happened in the past month. This felt like a good way to reflect on the past 6 months of my life. Why six months? - because that's how long I've been a mom for! (How time flies!)

September:

🌹 Meeting mini 🩷

🌹 Spending time with my parents

🌹 Seeing my husband become a dad

🌵 Waiting for the birth, anxiety around the whole process

🌵 C-section pain + extreme exhaustion

🌵 Trying to breastfeed/ pump (SO painful!) and constantly worrying about supply

🌵 Mini’s ultrasound appointment and her getting pricked for regular bloodwork 

🌹 Getting to use all the baby stuff I had got ready for months - seeing all the plans come into action. (Dresser organization was spot on - it still is quite organized)

🌹 No office work!

🌹 Taking baby in the stroller that I had spent months researching

🌵 Having to plan feeds every time we step out

🌵 Endless washing of bottles, pump parts

🌵 Having to wake up twice at night to pump/ having to walk into the cold house and wash parts in cold water. Brr!

🌹 Her trying to catch the bottle 

🌹 Her burping face

🌹 Seeing my parents interact with mini

🌹 Not having a huge belly. My belly button not being stretched out

🌹 Walks in the park 

🌹 Getting to watch Les mis with my mom

October:

🌹 Starting monthly birthday celebration. Still one of my favorite things to do! Coming up with a theme for photoshoot + dessert

🌹 Discovered “swerve” sugar free sugar that tastes really good! Excited to make a bunch of desserts that my mom and dad can eat guilt free

🌹 Being able to drive again and go to any store on a weekday (since I am on maternity leave)

🌵 Needing someone to sit in the car with baby anytime we need to step into a store

🌵 Tied to 1 hour outings between meal times

🌹 Being able to nurse a lot more - seeing her feel full is the bestest feeling. 

🌵 Unending cycle of pumping, washing, sanitizing, feeding, changing diapers and doing laundry

🌹 Having a little more energy

🌵 Pulled stitches once trying to reach up. Bled a little. Got super scared and worried about how much I’d be limited in future

🌹 Grandparents excitedly welcoming her every morning into a warm sun drenched living room

🌹 Picking out her outfit and swaddle for the day each morning

🌹 Cute baby yawns

🌹 Outing to Filoli and Ardenwood farms

🌹 Put up lights outside the house for Diwali/ Christmas/ New year

🌵 Feeling helpless when she starts crying while out and worrying about racing back home in time before her next feed

🌵 First diaper blowout in the wild 😜 

🌵 The rush to warm up a bottle when she’s hungry

🌵 Constantly wondering if she got enough milk or not

🌹 Having a tiny human swaddled up sleeping between us

🌹 waking up to see her little face fast asleep

🌹The cutest brightest eyes looking at you

November:

🌹 Fully off formula!

🌹 Mini smiles looking at our faces 🥰

🌹 2 month vaccinations done = cleared to go into stores/ restaurants (ofc when less crowded)!

🌹 Hosted a thanksmas dinner, made lots of good food and hosted a bunch of folks waiting to see baby

🌹 Mom & dad bought us a fancy set of cutlery

🌹 Beautiful table scape that lasted for over a month

🌹 First road trip with baby to Carmel-by-the-sea

🌹 Now a pro at feeding baby whenever, wherever

🌹 Finally feel confident that she is getting fed enough - no more second guessing if she wants more formula, measuring ounces, helplessly trying to figure out why she is crying

🌹 The most satisfying feeling of being able to fully calm a crying baby, seeing her feeling content and happy in my arms after her feed

🌹 Grateful each day for having the most easy going baby ever! (Especially during the road trip to Carmel)

🌹 Seeing my parents enjoy little outings (not much this time due to baby; but even the little ones seem more exciting with little one)

🌵 Husband back at work + busy even after work

🌵 Rocking her to sleep breaks my back each time

🌹 But so worth it seeing her sleep in my arms

🌵 Lots of body aches + feel fragile

🌵 Middle of the night feeds

December:

🌹 Mini starting to perceive her surrounding more. Started to giggle and that was the best feeling ever

🌹 My sister and family visited us! (Had been eagerly waiting for this for months)

🌵 Returned to work

🌹 Mini met her cousins

🌹 Trip to Yosemite with the full fam - this was a trip that felt nostalgic even as it happened. 

🌹 Christmas dinner - The whole family sat at the table in our airbnb and had a proper  (nut roast, mashed potatoes and  dessert)

🌵 Rainstorm at Yosemite that kept me agitated for weeks

🌹 Seeing mini and her cousins in matching pajamas

🌵 Felt sad to say bye to sis and family

🌵 Baby caught a little cold - sad to see her struggle with phlegm

🌵 Impending gloom about having to resume work in full swing

🌵 Feeling sad that my parents visit was nearing to an end

January:

🌵🌵 Parents left. They had been with us since baby was born - the sudden emptiness, the anxiety around us being wholly responsible now for baby was all too much

🌹 Husband started paternity leave

🌹 Slowly adjusting to a new normal - a family of 3 and a little furball

🌵 The amount of work just felt overwhelming. An impossible puzzle to solve. I kept working through feeds, bad posture, body ache, working after hours. Each day done felt like a day conquered.

🌹 Somedays feel like I'm a supermom when I manage work decently and keep a little baby alive and happy

🌵 Tons of house repairs propping up - mold remediation for our master bath, bathroom reno, roof replacement

February:

🌵 One of the hardest months till date in my life

🌵 Just scraping by at work. Newer teammates are doing so much - proactive work, going above and beyond when I'm struggling to just finish tasks assigned to me

🌹 Claude! Lifesaver - I've forgotten now how to code. Worried this has come for our jobs - but at least for now, it is helping me finish tasks

🌵 Big fight with husband as both of us are overworked and at wits end

🌵 Mom guilt over not being able to engage enough with baby, provide proper mental stimulation

🌹 Visiting home improvement stores for the upcoming reno

🌵 No time to research enough and just going with whatever is easy for the reno

🌵 Expenses seem endless

🌵 Constant worry about job security with all the AI advancements + inability to focus at work

🌹 The one glimmer through all of this is little mini - one look at her little face and all my worries seem far away

🌹 Lots of adorable baby giggles - she is a pro at flipping over both ways now (started sometime in Jan)

🌹🌹 She wants me - specifically - this is the best feeling in the world

🌵 House is a terrible mess - plastic sheet walls everywhere to protect from the construction dust, fully cramped sleep situation, tiptoeing everywhere around the house

🌵 Mini now sleeps in a crib (due to us having to sleep on single beds) - so everytime she cries at night need to get out of bed, bring her to feed then put her back (hoping she'll fall back asleep) - some days this takes a huge toll on my sleep

🌵 Still have a lot of body pains

🌹 Getting to play with baby - any amount of time - just fixed my day

🌹 Cuddly stage - no longer the tiny fragile baby who's head needed support. Can carry her upright and she is totally squishable 

Tomorrow is her six month birthday! I'm planning to make a lemon chiffon cake, topped with whipped cream and decorated with rainbow color fruits. Planning to make it a rainbow theme. Absolutely exhausted and have an impossible amount of work left (need to put back stuff in pantry, finish building closet shelves, take a shower, maybe catch up on some work, bake a cake, make frosting ugh - and its already 10pm - TBD what all I can accomplish) 

Until next time,
Bye.
Shaya

Baby’s about to turn 5 months old

​Hi future me,

Thought I’d try something different today - just post about my day today. I’d been putting off getting back to blogging since I had so much to catch up on. But I really want to capture these moments so here goes!

Today is a Saturday - an ordinary one - nothing special going on. I haven’t introduced my little baby on this blog yet (post coming someday); but I’m now a mom! Mini me (I’ll call her mini from now on) is turning 5 months old this coming Monday! How fast time has flown by. I already feel like I’m forgetting how she was as a newborn.

I woke up around 5:30 am to feed her (that’s my usual routine these days!). 1 year back I couldn’t have imagined waking up at 5:30 one day :D and now it’s just part of the routine. She is such a good baby though! Just that one feed through the night is enough. Slept back at around 6. Pmj was to go to play pickle ball at 10. I had planned to tag along and take mini for a walk around the lake in her stroller (usually she naps at that time). However today I woke up at 7:30 for another feed and after that she fell fast asleep only waking up at ~9:45. Decided she would be too cranky if I took her so stayed back. Pmj left saying he’ll be back in ~ 1.5 hrs. 

I took her to her activity mat and video called mom. Today I did not have my headphones in - so mini could hear her nani talk. Having spent so much time with them, she was fascinated hearing their voice. We only use the back camera to avoid her looking at the screen. So she was a little confused but showed recognition. After ~20 min on the mat she started getting cranky and I took her in to feed. Once she was full she was excited and ready for the day. 

I put her in her bassinet and took her to the kitchen while I made some savory French toast for myself. It turned out yum! I put her in her bouncer, showed her some high contrast books we got from the library yesterday as I ate. 

Around then Pmj came back. Her face lit up seeing dad. We spent a little while all together sanitizing library books and deciding where to eat (we originally planned to hike and then eat - during her sleep window but realized that was too ambitious and prioritized eating over exercise :P). 

I took her out to sit on the swing in the backyard as Pmj went to shower and get ready for lunch. Both she and I love sitting on the swing in the evenings/ weekends especially with the weather starting get a little warm. She loved imitating bird sounds and watching kitty roll around and have zoomies in the backyard. 

After another feed she dozed off and we quickly got ready and headed out to this new Punjabi restaurant- bikanerwala. I ordered a big meal which took forever to come. She woke up pretty much as soon as we reached the restaurant. We took turns walking her outside and eating. After a nice sumptuous meal we stopped by Walmart (I bought a round cake tin to make a heart shaped strawberry cake for her 5th month birthday) and came home. Another feed later Pmj took over baby duty. I pulled out a kitty toy (feathers on a long string) hoping to entertain both mini and kitty. It was adorable to see both of them get excited so easily both with the toy and seeing each other. Next I spent some time tidying up the house (which has been such a mess this whole week). Then it was again time for her feed. I scrolled through some social media, kept her entertained on the bed for a while as Pmj had dinner. I had leftovers from lunch for dinner and watched some YouTube. Soon after we gave her a bath which usually gets her sleepy. Fed her, and slowly she drifted off to sleep. It’s the cutest thing to see her slowly go from excited to sleepy to asleep. After she was fully asleep I had a shower and now I’m in bed typing this blog :)

Motherhood has changed me in so many ways - one of them being how tired I am while going to sleep. Earlier I could never imagine not wanting to stay up late on a weekend to watch some tv. Now sleep is so precious that I simply cannot imagine sitting up late to watch something :)

Each day ends with me being super tired but also so so fulfilled. The amount of love I feel for mini each day is something I could never imagine feeling before. 

That’s it! Such a long post about nothing really :)

Until next time,

Bye!

-Shaya